Heartburn and Heartache

Tonight I have both! My oldest told me last week "Do you realize how much you've aged in the last 6 years, mom?!" Well after I resisted my urge to cry and scream at her for saying such a rude thing, I realized......she was right. My health has taken a tumble (not that it has ever been great). I've been better at making and keeping appts. but I have a long list of things that I should be doing.

*exercise (yeah right...I'll squeeze that in right after my bon bons and General Hospital)

*giving up caffeine (oh ok, then I'll give up breathing too...same thing)

*taking vitamins regularly (this I CAN do and have already begun ;) )

*cutting out fatty foods and sugar (this isn't as bad as caffeine but it's so stinkin difficult!)


I am working on changing some thing about myself. I feel like I've made some significant strides in the last few months and I'm proud of myself for doing those things but I have to get serious about my health. My children need me. They need me to set a good example. They need to see me taking care of myself so that they will do the same when their lives get chaotic and hectic.

Now onto the heartache: My heart longs for another baby. My body is not strong enough to handle another pregnancy and that hurts me more than I can describe in words. We've dealt with secondary infertility for several years. It's something that I have no control over. We won't go to specialists because we feel that God has a plan for us to adopt again. We know it will happen but it's the waiting that is hard. How do you know when to add another child when you have special needs children? Is it fair to them? Is it fair to the other children? Is it fair to your marriage? There are so many questions and concerns. However, I am a mommy who has seen the faces of orphans. I have seen babies who just need a mommy and papa (our term for daddy) to love them. How do you turn your back when you know those babies are out there needing a forever home? I can't answer that question. We are not in a place today to adopt another baby. But I know we will be in that place again. Until then, I can only pray for God's perfect timing to be clear to us and for my health to be restored so that I can be the strongest, healthiest mom I can be to my children.

That's all for now....until next time.......