Fish Oil!

We started our fish oil supplements! We are using Carlson's which is a very trusted brand.

Fish oil, specifically EPA and DHA, have been found to help with ADHD and mood disorders. You can read more about it HERE

I started taking it too because 1. I'm hoping it will help me some with my health issues and 2. I'm trying to set a good example for Boo. It really doesn't taste bad at all. It has a strong lemon flavor so there are no fish burps. Boo calls it "lemon oil". The worst part about it is getting used to swallowing oil. It's an odd sensation and for children with sensory issues, it may be harder to get in them. However, I'm hoping the benefits outweigh the icky factor.

Boo has been a trooper taking it. I have mixed it with some lemonade and he really doesn't mind at all. My hope is that it would make a significant enough difference in Boo's mood that we could maybe pull back on one of his meds. We'll see how it goes and I'll keep you posted.

Until next time.....

Heartburn and Heartache

Tonight I have both! My oldest told me last week "Do you realize how much you've aged in the last 6 years, mom?!" Well after I resisted my urge to cry and scream at her for saying such a rude thing, I realized......she was right. My health has taken a tumble (not that it has ever been great). I've been better at making and keeping appts. but I have a long list of things that I should be doing.

*exercise (yeah right...I'll squeeze that in right after my bon bons and General Hospital)

*giving up caffeine (oh ok, then I'll give up breathing too...same thing)

*taking vitamins regularly (this I CAN do and have already begun ;) )

*cutting out fatty foods and sugar (this isn't as bad as caffeine but it's so stinkin difficult!)


I am working on changing some thing about myself. I feel like I've made some significant strides in the last few months and I'm proud of myself for doing those things but I have to get serious about my health. My children need me. They need me to set a good example. They need to see me taking care of myself so that they will do the same when their lives get chaotic and hectic.

Now onto the heartache: My heart longs for another baby. My body is not strong enough to handle another pregnancy and that hurts me more than I can describe in words. We've dealt with secondary infertility for several years. It's something that I have no control over. We won't go to specialists because we feel that God has a plan for us to adopt again. We know it will happen but it's the waiting that is hard. How do you know when to add another child when you have special needs children? Is it fair to them? Is it fair to the other children? Is it fair to your marriage? There are so many questions and concerns. However, I am a mommy who has seen the faces of orphans. I have seen babies who just need a mommy and papa (our term for daddy) to love them. How do you turn your back when you know those babies are out there needing a forever home? I can't answer that question. We are not in a place today to adopt another baby. But I know we will be in that place again. Until then, I can only pray for God's perfect timing to be clear to us and for my health to be restored so that I can be the strongest, healthiest mom I can be to my children.

That's all for now....until next time.......

Did you know? Facts about FASD

Did you know that *when a woman takes a drink when she's pregnant, the developing baby gets that same amount of alcohol? There is no "filter" with alcohol. Whatever mom drinks, baby drinks.

*The central nervous system is forming from day 1 to delivery in a fetus. Alcohol can affect the brain's development at any time during pregnancy causing PERMANENT brain damage.

*There is a chart here: http://www.fasdcenter.samhsa.gov/documents/WYNK_Effects_Fetus.pdf that shows the stages of development in a fetus.

*FASD is the leading cause of mental retardation in the United States.

Therapy?

We've had a therapist coming over once a week for a few months now. I really like her but I dread when she comes. She comes to help Boo process through all of his feelings about adoption. She also comes to help me deal with my "junk" as I put it.

Let's face it. We all have "junk". None of us had perfect childhoods. We've all gone through a rough time here or there. Everyone could benefit from some sort of therapy at some point in their life. (disclaimer: I'm not judging anyone who doesn't go to therapy because it's not for everyone. I'm making a generalization).

Anyway, today I was dreading our appt. because I just didn't want to talk about myself. I didn't want to drudge up old wounds. It just feels "uncomfortable".

Apparently Boo feels the same way because when the therapist started working with him, he began RAGING. I won't go into all the details but it lasted two hours, ended with Boo and me sobbing (literally), and resulted in our living room being destroyed.

The thing about having a child with FASD is that there is no sure fire treatment. Therapy is helpful for most people. Most people can connect the dots, vent and heal. Boo has many wounds that may or may not heal. He may feel healed one day and the next forget the progress he made the day before. That is the way of FAS. So why keep going? Well, you throw everything you can at it and hope that some stuff sticks. That's what we need to do. This therapy may help Boo. It may not. We don't know but we can't give up. We'll keep trying different things until something works.

Well, I'm finding myself falling asleep as I type this so I'm going to call it a night. Until next time.......

"I'm sorry, mommy"

Those three words brought me to my knees today. We are in a medication trial phase right now so things have been a little more roller coaster-esque for Boo. He has had several meltdowns in the last week or so. Today was no exception. He took a nap today and upon awaking, I told him that we would go to the Nature Center (a nice big hiking park near our house. It feels like a cross between the Hundred Acre woods and the Jungle Cruise ride at Disneyland).
Anyway, he yelled that he didn't want to go. He refused to get up and change (still in his pj's from the morning). He screamed, yelled, and tantrumed for a good hour. Everyone was anxious to go. We were all waiting on Boo to settle down. Finally, I was in the kitchen making some PB and J's to take with us and Boo comes up to me and says....."I'm sorry, mommy.....sometimes I just can't control my temper". I got down on my knees to his level, gave him a massive hug and told him that I was so proud of him for apologizing and that it's ok and I love him.

This was HUGE. Boo is such a sensitive soul. He shows empathy towards people. He is compassionate and loving. His self regulation is just broken. He can't control his anger sometimes and it scares him. It scares US. We don't want him to feel so angry and out of control all the time.

So today was rough but we made some progress.

**Although I have to add the disclaimer that it's 11:30 pm and Boo was just tantruming because he couldn't eat 3 ice cream sandwiches right now. One step forward, two steps back, right?

Until next time.........

Ideas, seeds, growth

I love watching old episodes of I Love Lucy. My husband thinks I am just like Lucy in some ways. I have some great ideas that don't always turn out great. I've come up with some humdingers, let me tell you. One time, a dear friend and I had a great idea to go buy an above ground pool. It was hot, our kids (I only had one at the time) were little and hey, seemed like a good idea. I picked one that would have given my husband a heart attack ($$$) and proceeded to ask the pool man if he thought we could have it up and running before my husband came home from work? Thankfully the answer was NO, and I ultimately decided against that plan. Another time I had the great idea of free hand drawing a mural on my daughter's wall (she was 2 and an only child at the time). I figured I would paint uneven green strokes on the bottom of the wall and add flowers about halfway up (grass/flowers). This turned out poorly. I think my two year old would have done a better job. Art has never been my forte.
My sweet husband has always been supportive of my endeavors. Although most of my endeavors are started while my sweet husband is at work ;) I could write a book on all of my "great ideas" that ended in disaster or could have been turned into a sitcom.

However, even though I've had my fair share of "Lucy" ideas, I've also had some inspiring ideas that have come from meditation and prayer. Once we were presented with a special needs adoption. It was a baby girl who was deaf. My heart broke for her and I instantly wanted to move forward. I prayed and prayed and pleaded with my husband that it was the right thing to do because I just "felt" it in my heart. Well we started moving forward but it was soon clear to us that it was not our time and this child was not meant to come to us. I had peace about it. It was good.

I shared that story because there is another "big idea" brewing in me lately. It's not another adoption (that is down the road). It's something that has been building in me since I was born, I think. My grandma used to tell me that everyone is special. God has a purpose for everyone. I truly believe this. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I know that God has plans for me (as He does for everyone). I feel that things are coming together lately for something huge. I can't wait to share it with you but you'll have to wait a little longer as I'm still working out the details ;)

It will be something that will impact my Boo, and every child and family out there that is affected by alcohol and drugs. I'm planting a seed and I can't wait to see how it grows!

Until next time.....