Flood of emotions!!!

I have lots to update about Boo but I'll save it for another post. This one is about Bo. My sweet Bo who hourly comes up to me and says "I love you so much, mommy" gave me the scare of my life yesterday!

I was on the phone when I hear him screaming at the top of his lungs. Banana brings him inside and he's holding his stomach, his eyes are as big as saucers and he's screaming, "I CAN'T BREATHE". He looks TERRIFIED. At this point, I had no idea what happened. I'm trying to keep Bo calm, I'm reaching for the phone (I had hung up on the person I was talking to when this happened), about to call 911....I'm yelling to Hannah 'WHAT HAPPENED WHAT HAPPENED???' She tells me that our swing seat broke and he fell straight on his bottom. I'm still worried that he may have cracked a rib, hurt his back, etc. We finally get him calm. I realize he got the wind knocked out of him. He was simply scared and didn't know WHY he couldn't breathe. **disclaimer: seat broke in half and he fell maybe two feet onto the dirt under the swing.

OK, so no biggie right? Well...had it been one of the other kids, I'm sure I would have panicked at first but then would have quickly recovered from my rush of adrenaline.
With Bo, however, I couldn't stop worrying. During the 5 minutes that all of this was happening, a FLOOD of memories came back to me. I was reliving all those times that we would get a call from the hospital (NICU)telling us to hurry down because they didn't think Bo would make it through the day. I remembered when he was born and I asked them if he was ok and the Dr. said "We're working on him". I remembered the time when we were told that Bo would need surgery on his eyes because his retinas were detaching. I remembered the night my water broke. I was 24 weeks pregnant and the Dr. that night told us that if Bo were born that early, that he could possibly suffer some pretty severe developmental delays.

The guilt that comes along with having a preemie is overwhelming at times. I still wonder what I could have done different to prevent Bo from being born so early. So I think when I heard him scream and saw him walk through our back door unable to take a breath, I just felt a flood of guilt, worry, hurt, frustration, worry, worry and some more worry. Bo is a tough little guy and has overcome some huge hurdles but I still sometimes see him as a frail preemie that almost didn't make it.

His late great grandma prayed so hard for him when he was in the NICU. She would come and visit him and pinch his cheeks ;) She would tell me that she knew he would be ok and that God had big plans for him. I know she's right and I also know that her and Gramps are watching over him from above. Love you, Gram and Gramps!

Ok, I'm going to call it a night but you'll all be happy to know that Bo is doing just fine today. He always tells me "mommy, you're the best mommy in the whole world" and I tell him, "And you're the best Bo"! Night!