Flood of emotions!!!

I have lots to update about Boo but I'll save it for another post. This one is about Bo. My sweet Bo who hourly comes up to me and says "I love you so much, mommy" gave me the scare of my life yesterday!

I was on the phone when I hear him screaming at the top of his lungs. Banana brings him inside and he's holding his stomach, his eyes are as big as saucers and he's screaming, "I CAN'T BREATHE". He looks TERRIFIED. At this point, I had no idea what happened. I'm trying to keep Bo calm, I'm reaching for the phone (I had hung up on the person I was talking to when this happened), about to call 911....I'm yelling to Hannah 'WHAT HAPPENED WHAT HAPPENED???' She tells me that our swing seat broke and he fell straight on his bottom. I'm still worried that he may have cracked a rib, hurt his back, etc. We finally get him calm. I realize he got the wind knocked out of him. He was simply scared and didn't know WHY he couldn't breathe. **disclaimer: seat broke in half and he fell maybe two feet onto the dirt under the swing.

OK, so no biggie right? Well...had it been one of the other kids, I'm sure I would have panicked at first but then would have quickly recovered from my rush of adrenaline.
With Bo, however, I couldn't stop worrying. During the 5 minutes that all of this was happening, a FLOOD of memories came back to me. I was reliving all those times that we would get a call from the hospital (NICU)telling us to hurry down because they didn't think Bo would make it through the day. I remembered when he was born and I asked them if he was ok and the Dr. said "We're working on him". I remembered the time when we were told that Bo would need surgery on his eyes because his retinas were detaching. I remembered the night my water broke. I was 24 weeks pregnant and the Dr. that night told us that if Bo were born that early, that he could possibly suffer some pretty severe developmental delays.

The guilt that comes along with having a preemie is overwhelming at times. I still wonder what I could have done different to prevent Bo from being born so early. So I think when I heard him scream and saw him walk through our back door unable to take a breath, I just felt a flood of guilt, worry, hurt, frustration, worry, worry and some more worry. Bo is a tough little guy and has overcome some huge hurdles but I still sometimes see him as a frail preemie that almost didn't make it.

His late great grandma prayed so hard for him when he was in the NICU. She would come and visit him and pinch his cheeks ;) She would tell me that she knew he would be ok and that God had big plans for him. I know she's right and I also know that her and Gramps are watching over him from above. Love you, Gram and Gramps!

Ok, I'm going to call it a night but you'll all be happy to know that Bo is doing just fine today. He always tells me "mommy, you're the best mommy in the whole world" and I tell him, "And you're the best Bo"! Night!

First week of Kindergarten....

What a week this has been for us! Our oldest started high school, Boo started Kindergarten (both on the same day) and Bo and Banana started 4th and 5th grade!
To make it more exciting, all of us have been sick! I had to keep Boo home today because he had a low grade fever.

So far so good with school. Boo seems to be doing fabulous! He is excited about going and his teacher says he's "perfect". I had a feeling he'd do well because he tends to hold it together more under peer pressure situations. He doesn't want to throw a fit in front of other kids he doesn't know well. So this is all great news, right? Eh, not so much. We have been dealing with the fallout of his great efforts at school, at home. He comes home and all of his frustrations he held inside all day come POURING out. He becomes rigid and intolerant of anything that doesn't go his way. He is also showing some separation anxiety again. I went to leave for the store the other night and he would NOT let me go. He followed me out to the car, kicking and screaming. I tried to bring him back inside and explain why he couldn't go with me but he wouldn't listen. Then a nosey Mc. Nosester lady came walking by with her dog and stopped in front of me and Boo and just stared. I suppose she thought I must have been abusing him by the way he was wailing, but I was trying to talk loud enough over Boo so SHE could hear me say "You cannot go to the store with mommy and you HAVE to go back in the house now". I can't tell you HOW much it disturbs me when people STARE at you like you are an abusive parent. If they only knew what we endure. If they only knew HOW MUCH we LOVE our children. If she only knew that I spend a great majority of my day tending to my son's specific challenges and needs in the best way I know how. If she only knew that not only do we NOT SPANK Boo but we just spent THREE months commuting to put him through an intensive and expensive program!!!! These are things I want to shout at people who like to stand in judgment of me. I have been seriously considering putting a sign on our front door that states "A child with FASD lives here. Extreme tantrums are expected daily. If you have concerns please call me or feel free to bring me some coffee and I'll explain FASD to you!!!!"

Ok, enough of my rant. Now onto Bo. I am very excited because Monday we get to go visit the Braille Institute where (hopefully) Bo will be taking some classes! They offer classes like Karate and cooking to children with visual impairments. I have been wanting to put Bo into this program for a while but he's been a little nervous about trying it. I finally decided it's time. He is having a difficult time with his vision lately. As he gets older, he is becoming more and more aware of his limitations. It is extremely frustrating for him. I can't imagine how he must feel sometimes but I can't let my empathy for him hinder his road to independence. I have to challenge him and teach him that while his disability is significant and he does have some limits, he CAN achieve the same level of success in life as everyone else. He may have to work harder at some things but we all have limitations. We all struggle with something. He has so many strengths and gifts. He is very intelligent. He is so loving and caring. He has a great deal of empathy for people who are sick or hurt. I can see him being a teacher or a counselor of some sort. I want him to be happy and find fulfillment in his life.
This is what all parents want and hope for their children.
Well it is late once again and my pillow is calling me. I have been hit with yet another sinus/cold thingy. I am going to try and rest up this weekend so I am fresh for next week. We are still working on getting a routine down. I finally went to the teacher supply store today and bought a pocket chart for Boo's schedule. Now I just have to put it all together! Once it's together, I will post pictures of it.....
'Night!

"Every child is gifted. They just unwrap their packages at different times." -- unknown

Remember when you were a child and the end of the summer was approaching? Do you remember that mixture of feelings you had about going back to school? For me, it was usually dread mixed with a dash of excitement and a huge side of nausea.
I thought that once I was done with school I would never have that feeling again. Wrong.
Apparently this is something that (can) come back when your special needs child starts a new school (year).
Boo starts school next week. Not just "school" but KINDERGARTEN. Every mother has the tug of the heart when they send their child off to school for the first time. However, there are a few obstacles we have to jump over before I can reduce my feelings of Boo going to school from pure gut wrenching heartburn to the happy tears of another milestone met.
Just like in the quote above (see: title), Boo unwraps his package at a slower and unpredictable pace. He frustrates easy and it takes extreme patience to teach him. He is capable of learning but it doesn't come as easy for him as most 5 year olds. Boo is more like a 3 year old in many respects. So imagine if you will, sending your 3 year old to Kindergarten and expecting them to learn their letters, numbers, shapes, etc at a steady pace. Imagine sending your 2 year old to a Kindergarten class and expecting him to sit there during story time, classwork, etc. As you can see, Boo has some difficult days ahead. I have no doubt in his ability to do well. I know he WANTS to learn. He is excited to learn. (Thanks, UCLA ;) ). He just needs the understanding, patience and expertise of a caring teacher. He needs people on his team that are willing to READ the report from UCLA and implement the strategies used up there that helped Boo succeed!
I am already having conversations with the faculty that are not putting my mind at ease. I am already feeling a sense of "yeah, yeah, we know what to do". I am not a confrontational person but I can already feel my mama bear claws starting to emerge. The school WILL listen to me because I AM Boo's mother. I have spent the last 5 years advocating for my son. I have read, researched, and had him evaluated by countless professionals. The school WILL NOT close their ears to me.
Ok, I just had to get that out because in reality I will not make a scene...but I will make sure that Boo gets exactly what he needs.
I will update once I finalize his registration. 'Night!